I WANT MY CONNECTION!! {ShErM™}

its been weeks.. almost 3 weeks.. why.. why does this have to happen to me at the worst time of my life.. i even moved house for a week plus.. just so i could occupy my time with my never ending pursuit of becoming level 70.. but noooooooooo.. it has to be down.. my internet connection has to be down.. now i have nothing.. NOTHING.. except steve and ian.. but still.. when their busy sleeping or doing something.. i HAVE something la.. lol.. just dunno wad.. blur.. from my 3 hours of sleep.. CANN.. can give me some sympathy.. F*ckEd up Telekom or TM wadeva.. give you a piece of my mind.. making me call like 3-4 times.. "oh your phone line is active" BS to the max.. come my house and hear my dial tone whether got or not la.. can friggin die like this..

i couldnt handle living on my own.. the electricity bills.. phone bills.. water bills.. it was just too much.. i decided to leave my new home, rent it out and go back to old cozy wuzzy old home.. XD

BUT NO INTERNET CONNECTION AT HOME!! *cries*

pUh LeaSe..

im tired.. i need an extra boost of motivation.. an extra mile coupon or smtg.. just to keep my ass off the ground.. but no i cant..

why.. why are u so cruel to me..
why.. why am i like someone you can just throw around and forget the next day..
whyyy.. whyyy..

thanks but no thanks.. i feel like shit today..

u do the humpity dumpity..

someone take a broom and whack me.. i need to feel pain because i caused her great pain.. pls.. i guess i deserve it for blowing my any chance of ever even getting the one i love back.. i deserve to even be kicked in the balls.. trampled over.. hung by the neck.. i didnt even mean to do such things.. but things happen and i guess they always take it the wrong way.. id beg on my kness.. hold my breath underwater and drown so u can save me by giving CPR.. anything.. just dont walk away.. u still have my heart and u can break it and tear it and spit on it.. but in the end if u still walk away.. we'd never know what we could be..

Things wont always turn out the way u wan em to be..

i've found it hard time and time again to make things right but sometimes it just doesnt work.. u try hard and things just turn out even worse.. and when u dont try u feel there's smth wrong and u just cant help it but want to try.. and that someone doesnt even try at all.. its hard la... i was having a chat with a friend last night.. and things dont actually seem good even tho they say it is.. sometimes u can just see thru someone and know that things aren't so good.. everyone can see thru me like a transparent glass.. all my close frens can tell if there's smth going wrong.. and actually things have been going wrong for me for a few months now and i just can't fix it.. times change and u find there isn't actually much u can do about it..

if u really love someone so much.. ure so scared of letting go because ure unsure what the outcome will be in the end.. is that really love? or is it fear? to be honest i dun really know.. its true u'll always have ure ups and downs in ure relationship but what happens if things just become stale.. things become wierd all of a sudden and.. of course u wanna find out whats the problem.. but there's no answer to it.. you'll feel all insecure.. anxious.. curious all at the same time and its not a good feeling to have..

sometimes i feel like giving up on everything but is it really worth giving up just because u feel like shit.. no right? im holding on for dear life.. hoping that day would come.. but i know it aint gonna come anymore coz things aren't the way it used to be anymore..

time after time..

There she goes.. there she goes again.. my fat sexy dancing piggy has gone back to nilai.. which is quite good la.. not so much clubbing anymore.. but then again is also bad la.. i love clubbing also.. hmmmm.. sorry haven't been updating lately.. i really apologize.. more things to do in reality ya know.. life is too short.. don ya think? life expectancy 50 - 70 maybe nowadays.. depending.. ive been having a bad cough.. so bad that i need to cough to breathe normally.. i guess its just phlegm stuck in my windpipes.. but really.. stopped me from smoking.. i hope i can continue on without fags.. altho its tempting.. health's important.. sighs.. im working now.. i got a few pics to post.. i'll post em when i get home tonight or probably when im more free.. chiao ppl..

positive.. negative..

im quite.. out of things to blog.. i have no motivation now.. ive lost my source of hope for a certain moment of time.. so i guess ill take a break from blogging.. so there'll be more to write about.. tune in 2 weeks from now.. chiao~

untitled..

times change... everything changes.. sometimes things just dun turn out the way u want them to be.. its inevitable.. people change and there's no stopping that.. i feel like there's nth i could do to stop the things i wanted from leaving me.. from turning into memories.. and whats left is just me in a cold empty state.. i would just wonder what it would be like if everything i wanted was right in front of me.. would i be like this.. would i still be that sherman that everyone knows.. but it seems like everything i wanted doesnt seem to stay with me.. i seem to lose them when the time comes.. and the thing is that.. i find that people who leave change.. i still remain the same.. in my same old state.. while everyone has another life to live elsewhere.. i continue on with the one i've always had.. just with loved ones gone.. in a different country.. diff state pursuing their dreams.. i feel like im the black sheep left behind.. falling backwards instead of moving forward.. sometimes i feel its not fair.. but what is fair..? a homeless child without food and clothes and anybody to feel love and warmth from.. i cant go on living and feeling like im in a useless state.. but guys/gals.. do appreciate what u have.. sometimes i know i dun appreciate my parents enough for what they've done for me.. for what they've given me.. but i treasure it.. coz once reailty comes and there not here anymore.. it hits u.. i don get enough appreciation from a particular someone.. im not saying who.. but it's painful when u dun feel appreciated.. sometimes saying a simple i love u.. can just light up anyones day.. i know it lights up mine.. so remember.. appreciation can come from a simple thank you.. i love u.. or just that memorable smile.. make the change for the better.. not for the worse..

tired.. i can't open my eyes..

omg.. finals tonight and im feeling like a few tonnes of bricks on my eyes.. and my legs.. and my body.. wadeva.. im too tired.. i haven't posted anything fer a few days.. but ill post smth up tomoro.. im too tired.. too weak emotionally.. stressed out.. lack of sleep..

im sitting here..

all alone.. well not alone.. annzian sleeping in my office.. wierd huh.. need to clean up my office.. grrRrrr.. messy.. im tired and feeling weak.. sheila's not here.. and im not getting enough sleep at night.. woke up like friggin early today coz i had to open my shop..

have u guys ever thought bout.. what if.. u had the right person in ure hands.. n u let them go coz for some reason.. and in the end u never got back with that person.. but she/he was the right one.. i always think of that.. always.. im scared of letting go.. coz id never know whether she will come back to me.. its always scary but.. since now when ure holding to someone u love.. dun let them go.. dun take them fer granted.. u might never get them back.. just a thought ppl~

every night b4 i sleep i roll around.. thinking and thinking.. thats what makes me cant sleep.. its gets me thinking so far.. and in the morning i wake up.. i couldnt remember a thing of what i thought about last night unless it was smth i really wanted to remember or do.. but i know i always think about sheila b4 i sleep.. the thought of her makes me calm and happy.. but some thoughts of her makes me insecure and worried.. GRahhHHh~

i need to make a phone call ppl~

ill blog bout smth interesting when i think of it... chiaos~

ghhhhhhrahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhcias

i wanna wish Stevey a happy belated birthday.. and Pat as well a happy belated brithday.. sorry i wasnt around during ure bdays.. sheila's bday was also on that week so i had to sacrifice ure 2 bdays for her bday.. haha..

oh.. and i wanna say a very good goodbye.. to my simon Jihad.. denise.. Jack Black.. and Cletus.. who all went back to KL while i was still in KL.. ill hope to see u guys again.. simon defenitely..

im totally bored............................................................ operator.. the line is dead..............................................
is there anything better to do around here than just whine about how boring it is... hmmmzzzz...

FAST AND FURIOUS TOKYO DRIFT TONIGHT BABY!!! WoooooTT~

smth to look forward to at least.. so time will past faster.. faster!!!

sheila is a bum.. made me cant sleep last night..
mean words = hard time sleeping... loving words = sleep straight away.. remember the formula darlings..

Last night was my first time prawn fishing a place at kenyalang.. RM10 for an hour.. the more u catch the more worth it tho.... oh dang i dun haf any pics.. but it was fun.. seeing those prawns get stuck on ure hook.. too bad i only caught 2 minus 1 prawns coz jack made the second prawn i caught slip outta my hand.. i gave mine to arthur who was on a role.. kun seng caught a few.. annzian caught a few.. jack caught a few.. wun chiang.. AHHAHA.. he caught a dead BIG one thats all but had to throw it away.. if i do go there again id bring my cam..

oh.. i feel bad...

on the way from steve's house to t1.. i was driving bout 80/Mph... passing ong tiang swee.. and not long b4 i realised the dog.. running from right to left.. annen it stopped all of a sudden.. and WhAmM!! i looked back the dog was still sliding on the floor.. omg.. its the third animal i killed.. with my car.. sighs.. pity la.. i was like oh shit.. steeve was like.. WAHH oh shit.. he expression was priceless.. but thinkin why that dog had to stop.. i couldnt brake in time.. and i hit it so hard that my bumper had 2 dents.. and some marks on it.. sighs.. luckily i could push back the dent.. im sorry.. doggy.. din mean to.. purely accidental..

Choice~

choice~ i can choose to become who i want to become.. there is always a choice.. people can change a person from good to bad.. bad to good.. life is full of suffering.. pain... life cannot always make u happy.. u try to be happy.. try to hide behind ure frens.. hide behind in ure room.. ull always feel that sick shit fucked up feeling.. u can't hide from it.. emptyness... pain.. hatred.. guilt.. shit fucked up feelings... always linger around... when someone gives u pain.. u get hurt.. when u get hurt.. u cry.. when u get too much pain.. things start to get a lil fucked upp... things cant always be right the way u want it.. it never will be...

I sTill NeeD YoU~

Through the dark times when i lose my mind.. thinkin of you till the BreaK of dawn.. nothing can compare to the time when u were here in my arms.. almost everyday.. almost every night.. thru the good and bad times we had.. im sorry that i've ever hurt u or disappointed you.. NoW ure In NilAi.. anD im Still Here.. callIn u day by day.. just to mAke sUre.. that ure Ok.. and HaVin to live with you.. being so far away.. is heartbreaKin.. but ure always still a heartbeat Away.. I StiLL neeD yOu~

MiSsing ure LauGhter..

MissIng Ure SmiLes~

BuT mOst oF all... MissiNG u Here With Me~

Lonely? anyone?

I feel like a sad teddy... anyone would care to join me in a group hug? i miss having group hugs.. i have to survive this whole week alone.. my frens leaving me for holidays.. my darling left me for studies.. im all alone.. somehow i think i'm lookin like this at the moment... JACK!!! ANNZIAN!! SHEILA!!! WHY?!?!~~
oh.. i forgot there was stevey.. and bryan.. but i dont see them everyday.. :( they've got their own stuff to do.. but while im all alone i might as well be alone..

Lonely.. i am so lonely.. i have nobody... for my own..........................

sad days and more sad days to come.. when is it ever going to end.. oh i know.. june.. :D

Yay sime and chiang comin back soon.. can go look for them.. get group hug~ =D

missing yew...

Its been three days... three days damn it.. im like a sick puppy without its mother.. come on am i that weak.. dont i have balls? well.. maybe for the moment i dont.. :( sadly... life is going stale for me.. losing it's colour.. bitterness starts to sink in whenever i realise ure not by my side anymore.. id rather be alone if im not with you.. my mum's nagging is like a mosquitoes wings.. some songs which i listen on the radio that reminds me of you makes me wanna cry.. food doesnt taste as nice anymore.. laksa is no longer in my mind.. everything is so wrong?! Time and money are the things holding me back.. the time when i see you again would be the happiest moment for me... for now i'll just continue with life as it is.. you give me hope everyday.. im always here thinkin of you.. missing yew.. lookin at your picture coz its all i got..

YeahHhh!

Well... after a terrible night of dota for us.. we had already planned to hang around my place.. and guess wad we brought along~

We had Baileys, Vodka, Bacardi, Johnnie Walker and the king of kings Copial Tuak...

Jackson.. Steve.. jack's uncle Francis and me.. we all were just talking and crapping till suddenly i remembered a game that i learnt in KL.. called "Ukui Ukui Tiao" AHhAHha sounds funny.. and the game goes when the host has to say the word and then put out a finger, the people with the same finger as the host has to drink.. woOooo.. it was a fast game.. and the outcome was this..

Jack was almost gone...

Heard from Jack Francis puked relentlessly..

I was sort of drowning in a Sespool of Vodka, Baileys and Bacardi all at once.. and i couldn't even stand straight..

Stevey Steve... he died on the spot..

Exhaustion...

what a tiring day... after this gym session fer me.. i feel like a heavy brick.. that means im not working out often.. need to get used to it again.. sighs.. i hate it when i tell myself.. ok.. must go gym next week.. and in the end.. i'll end up being lazy or tired etc etc.. which in the first place might as well not go.. wasting time and effort..

Despite all i went through today.. emotionally and physically.. i feel so empty.. weak.. needs gettin used to.. its only been 7 hours 50 minutes since i last saw sheila.. n i miss her like hell.. lookin through photos just makes me want her back in kuching.. GRrRrRrr... long distance is just so.. wAhHAa.. long distance.. no touching.. no kissing.. no "i pick you up, we go eat".. no "ey.. bored la.. let's go out"... sighs.. none of that.. i havent even seen her online yet.. *soBs* *sniffs* i think i'll take a shower and go T1 to keep my mind off the sadness.. ChiaO~